Chubby Stubby Kay

Wait...You Mean She's Not Dead?

2010-11-01T20:38:00.003-04:00

Yes, I'm alive...I have 30 extra pounds to prove it.

I stopped blogging and started living last year with full intent of coming back to the blogging world...but then I fell in love with an amazing man...and food again.

I lived.

I laughed.

I loved.

I ate...and ate and ate and ate.

For the past several months, I have been hiding from Twitter and Blogging because I have been embarrassed and ashamed of my weight gain. I told myself a million times I would come back and blog, that I would get back on the right track.

Today is that day.

I'm giving myself a fresh start. I have a new Twitter name and a new blog. (See links below)

Twitter: Creating_Kayla

Blog: Live. Laugh. Love. Create.

You all were an amazing support system for me last year, and I am hoping you will all do the same for my new journey of creating me.

Balancing Act…

2009-12-10T19:15:00.001-05:00

12.10.09

Sometimes all it takes is a chance…and in that chance everything changes.

Over a month ago, I decided to move to New Hampshire and start a new chapter in my life. While I love Massachusetts, I felt as if my life was on pause. My weight loss started to come to a halt, my social life was non-existent, being unemployed was becoming a huge burden, and at times I felt as if the weight of the world was pressing down on my shoulders. It was hard for me to up and leave my family in Massachusetts but it was necessary. I needed to start living my life for me, and not for everyone else.

New Hampshire has already brought many wonderful changes in my life.

After being unemployed for over a year, I am starting a new job on Saturday. It is only part time at the moment, but that is fine with me because I need to learn how to balance losing weight, working, having a social life and being in a relationship with an amazing man.

That’s right lovelies…I am completely and utterly smitten with a man named JJ. Our story is just beginning but we both have a feeling that it is going to be the start of something beautiful. JJ is simply wonderful and extremely supportive of my weight loss journey. He was the one that actually gave me the boot in the butt to write this blog post and I have a feeling I will be blogging more frequently thanks to him. Blogging is something I have always wanted to stick with but found myself struggling to do so.

As for my weight…

I am six months into my weight loss journey and I am proud to say that I am half way there! I am down over 65 pounds! I have gone from a size 26 pants to a size 16 and for shirts; I have gone from a 3XL to a comfortable Large/Loose X-Large. Losing the weight has does wonders for my self-esteem. I finally love the person I am right now at this very moment…and I love the woman I am becoming. I smile more, laugh louder, and enjoy the little things in life. I’m no longer fixated on my weight and on being the “fat girl”…I’m simply me, Kayla…and I love it!

Since my move, I have become quite the fan of nature. Rain, snow, or shine- I am out there walking and hiking in the woods. Last week, I jogged two miles; non-stop…This is a HUGE accomplishment for me. I have always wanted to be a jogger, and instead of telling myself I will never be one, I can now say that I am slowly becoming a jogger! My longest jog has been 3 miles so far, but in do time I will be able to jog for longer.

I’m slowly learning how to balance everything in my life right now. I need to remember the important things in life, and while some people might not see blogging/tweeting important, I do. Without the support I found through this blog and without the love I found on Twitter, I wouldn’t be 65 pounds lighter. Each and every one of you helped motivate me and kept me going. From the bottom of my heart, I thank you.

Remember: Wish It, Dream It, Do It!

A few pictures from the past month:

My Daily Morning Hike:

Map Of My Hike: Red and Yellow Trail (4 Miles)

Me:

I Heart New Hampshire:

The Man Who Has Captured My Heart, JJ:

40 Days and 40 Nights Of Simply Living...

2009-11-09T20:42:00.001-05:00

11.9.09

Yes, I’m alive!

For over the past month, I decided to stop living my life through the numbers on my scale, pedometer, calorie trackers and simply LIVE!

In the past 40 days, I:

Enjoyed the beautiful Fall Foliage of New Hampshire:

Ate a GINORMOUS Honey Crisp Apple:

Toured the Budweiser Brewery:

Drank A Beer:

Drank A Few More Beers:

Fondled A Gourd:

Hugged A Pony:

Tried On Hats:

Posed For Pictures:

Met An Ass:

Ate Everything I Could That Had Pumpkin In It:

Smiled:

Bought My First NEW Pair Of Jeans Since Losing 50 Pounds:

Listened To A Babbling Brook:

Enjoyed More Fall-ness:

Became A Zombie:

Danced Like No One Was Watching:

Sang Like No One Was Listening:

Loved Like I Had Never Been Hurt:

Made Good Decisions:

Made A Few Bad Decisions (Oops):

Went To The Harry Potter Exhibit In Boston:

Spent My Last Day In Boston With The Wonderful Katrina:

And The Amazing Nicole:

Said Goodbye To Boston:

And Hello To My New Home, New Hampshire:

Finally Faced Reality:

And am now back to the old Calorie-Counting, Pedometer Wearing, Scale Junkie who is determined to continue her weight loss journey and blog about it all: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly.

Biggest Loser Challenge (Starting Stats)

2009-09-29T20:47:00.003-04:00

9.29.08

I LOVE Challenges…So, when I read about the Biggest Loser Challenge, I was excited to join!

Here are my starting stats for the Biggest Loser Challenge:

Current Weight (Starting Weight):

252

Current Measurements (Starting Measurements):

Waist: 43

Hips: 52

Thighs: 26.5

Arms: 18

Goals For Challenge:

1. Fit comfortably in my Old Navy 18’s.

2. Track EVERYTHING I eat and drink

3. Spend quality time with “Jim”, five days a week.

4. Complete my C25K training

5. Be happy and healthy…EVERY DAY!

Starting Pictures:

Ocean = Happiness…

2009-09-28T23:36:00.002-04:00

9.28.09

I adore the ocean…Simply adore it!

The moment my lips get a taste of that salt air and the feel of sand between my toes, I am quite the happy girl. The ocean is a magical place for me. It eases my worries, fills me with hope and reminds me to live life to the fullest.

I spent the day collecting sea life for my cousin Nicole’s oceanography class. Nicole and her awesome friend Angelina stayed close to shore looking for sea creatures as I ventured off on my own. As I searched under rocks for crabs, I couldn’t help but realize how content I was. For the first time in a long time, I felt completely and utterly happy. And I wasn’t happy just because I was at the beach (Although, that would be reason enough.) I was happy because I wasn’t worried about how fat my butt looks sticking up in the air as I am bent over or if people on the shore were wondering how a whale got beached on the rocks. I wasn’t focused on my weight, I wasn’t focused on how other perceived me…I was simply living life without a care in the world.

I know to some this might not seem like a big deal, but to me, it is. For so long I have been that girl that thinks EVERYONE is judging her. If someone walked by me laughing, they were laughing at me. If someone was whispering, they were whispering at me. If someone at the gym looked over in my direction, they were thinking how fat I was.

But not today…Today was focused on enjoying the beauty of the ocean and searching for sea life.

(Nicole- You are amazing! I am so blessed to have you as my cousin. Thank you for being my shoulder to cry on, my light in the darkness, and my best friend. But most importantly, thank you for being you! Love you lots, Nicolaaa! Cereal & Potato! <3)

Week Sixteen Weigh In...

2009-09-28T21:26:00.006-04:00

9.28.09

Previous Weight: 246.4

Current Weight:

I didn’t weigh in last week because I knew I wouldn’t like the number staring back at me. This week I couldn’t avoid it any longer. Yes, I had a six pound gain in two weeks. I am not going to beat myself up over it any more than I already have. I have realized a lot in the past fourteen days. After writing a letter to myself and the ongoing love and support from wonderful friends and family, I am ready to move forward.

One major thing I have learned over the past two weeks…

Tough Love

2009-09-25T19:29:00.009-04:00

9.25.09

Dear Kayla,

What the hell are you doing? For almost four months you have been working your ass off (literally) to lose weight and become a healthier person. And now…for the past 10 days you have done nothing but sabotage your hard work. Sure you have been going to the gym regularly; I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about your food intake, or lack of food I should say. Can you honestly remember the last time you ate three sensible meals and two healthy snacks?? And don’t even try to pass off candy corn as a healthy snack just because it has the word “Corn” in it. What are you doing to yourself? You are slipping back to your old ways, and pretty soon those 54 pounds you lost are going to sneak right back and who knows how much extra poundage will come with it.

It is time for you to face the music…It is time for you to be honest with yourself for just once in your life. Oh…you don’t think I know what you do? How you try to pretend everything is going swell in your life, but deep down you are struggling? Or how you haven’t been logging your food intake because you can’t face the fact that you have had an off week? I hate to be the one to break this to you but…YOU ARE HUMAN! Everyone makes mistakes, it is normal. What isn’t normal is giving up on yourself because you had one lousy week. Pick yourself up, start planning your meals out again, and for the love of GOD, start drinking something else other than COFFEE! Yes, it is delicious and all, but when was the last time you drank your required water intake? Yeah…I can’t remember either.

Oh and another thing…You are BEAUTIFUL! Yes, you and all 246 pounds of you. Stop staring in the mirror and pointing out your flaws. Who cares if you have a big forehead or too many freckles? People actually pay money for high foreheads. (It’s true, it was on an episode of “America’s Next Top Model”) And as for your freckles…Big Deal! When you get a lot of them, they almost merge into a tan. (Okay, maybe not…but just trying to be positive.) Your low self-esteem NEEDS to stop and quickly. I know you don’t hate yourself completely. I see you smile at yourself every now and then when you look in the mirror. You should ALWAYS be smiling at yourself. Don’t beat yourself up for thinking you are pretty or liking the way your nose crinkles when you laugh…LOVE YOURSELF! IF you don’t start loving yourself unconditionally…no one ever will. And by the way…all your clothes are too big not because your “fat ass” stretched them all out…it is because you are smaller now! I know it is hard to wrap your head around the fact that you have gone from a size 24 to a size 18, but you have! End of story.

It is time to start making some MAJOR changes in your life. It is time for you to get back on track with your weight loss journey. There is no waiting for Monday to come so you can start the week off fresh because let’s be honest…Monday will come and you will slip up and just wait again until the following Monday and then the next thing you know you are back up to 300 pounds and miserable. Did you forget how miserable you were? Did you forget how you barely got out of bed? Or how you closed yourself off from the world? Did you forget how you stopped caring about yourself and everything around you? I didn’t forget…those memories still haunt my mind and I will not allow you to go back to that dark place. The time for change is NOW. Not Monday, not October 1^st…NOW.

Keep pushing forward, Kayla...

Love yourself….

And remember:

You are WORTH it!

Love always,

Kayla xoxo

P.S. Do NOT allow yourself to go back to this...

Fat and Alone.

Nothing like tough love, huh?

My Love Affair With Jim...

2009-09-17T20:13:00.008-04:00

9.17.09

Love is an amazing feeling…and I am completely head over heels in love with “Jim.”

“Jim” is the last thing I think of before falling asleep, and the first thing I think of when I wake up. I find myself getting up early just so I can rush off and see “Jim”. Within minutes of being with “Jim”, my heart starts to race and my palms become sweaty. “Jim” knows how to get me hot and sweaty like no other. With “Jim”, minutes fly by and before I know it, my eighty minutes of quality time is over. I’m left feeling weak in the knees and completely out of breath. But I love it and every day I go back for more because “Jim” and I are in love.

You could almost say it was…

Did I forget to mention that "Jim" is actually my new Gym? Hehe. :)

Celebrating 50...(Week Fourteen Weigh in)

2009-09-15T15:12:00.016-04:00

9.15.09

Previous Weight: 251.2

Current Weight:

This weigh in is a big weigh in for me because I have reached a total of 50 POUNDS LOST! Actually, 53.6 to be exact!

To celebrate my big 5-0, I have decided to share 50 Random Facts About Me! Many people have mentioned to me that they want to know more about Chubby Stubby Kay so I give you a little peek of what makes me, me. (Please do NOT feel as if you have to read it, LoL)

50 Random Facts About Chubby Stubby Kay:

1. I LOVE Pumpkin Spice Coffee…Simply LOVE it!

2. I hate Odd Numbers with a passion, but yet my favorite number is 21.

3. I play Guitar Hero in heels.

4. I laugh at my own jokes…Maybe a bit too much.

5. I have an obsession with Jesus in a Non-Religious Way. What can I say? Jesus is wicked cool.

6. I lack common sense, majorly!

7. I ADORE being left handed. Sometimes I like to introduce myself as “Hi, I’m Kayla and I’m Left Handed.”

8. I wish on stars nightly, and believe that one day my wish will come true.

9. I’m addicted to playing Halo 3. Don’t mess with me when I’m in Halo mode.

10. I tend to judge way too quickly.

11. I can recite the movie “Billy Madison” word for word, and with exact facial expressions.

12. I’m known to randomly burst out into song and dance every now and then.

13. I drink way too much coffee…WAY TOO MUCH!

14. I like to make up my own catch phrases.

15. I dream of visiting Fiji and walking barefoot in the sand.

16. I happen to think Chuck Norris is the shit.

17. I LOVE the 80s…Give me some big hair and great 80s music, and I am one happy girl.

18. I refuse to carve Pumpkins…It’s just cruel.

19. I was nicknamed “Fangs” as a child until I was 10.

20. I have a dent in my forehead that I like to refer to as my “Thinking Crease.”

21. I am covered in freckles, but my favorite freckle is on my right thumb. His name is Bob.

22. I stole a peanut when I was 5, and I haven’t stole anything ever since.

23. My hair has been more colors than Rainbow Sherbet.

24. When I’m nervous, I count my fingers over and over again until I reach 100.

25. I had an imaginary friend named Heidi when I was a child…I miss her.

26. I have to drink Chocolate Milk through a straw…There is just no other way to enjoy it!

27. I collect journals and notebooks, but I hate to write in them and ruin their beauty.

28. For the longest time as a child, I wanted to be a Table Dancer…and then I found out a Table Dancer does more than just innocently dance on Tables.

29. I have no sense of Fashion. A great outfit to me is a pair of jeans with a clean hoodie.

30. I have the BIGGEST fear of kites…

31. And haunted houses.

32. I ADORE the ocean more during the winter than the summer. The crowds ruin its beauty.

33. My first time driving a car was when I was 10.

34. I’m not much of a girly girl, but I absolutely LOVE purses!

35. Billie Jean is NOT my lover! She’s just a girl that claims I am the one…

36. I have a fear of flying. My first time on a plane, the ceiling fell down on us. Not good at all.

37. I am a HUGE believer in “Everything Happens For A Reason.”

38. I do NOT wear make-up. Don’t even know how to apply anything but Cherry Chapstick.

39. I once had a fish named “Sushi”…I taught him tricks.

40. My Step-Father (Daddy-o!) is a Brit…He is simply AWESOME!

41. My momma is equally as AWESOME!

42. I love school and miss homework. I want to go back to college, but finances make it difficult.

43. I am an only child meaning…I’m spoiled.

44. I may be 24, but I still like to sing into my hairbrush every now and then.

45. My cousin KT means the WORLD to me. I would be lost without her.

46. Ernie and Burt are my favorite couple, hands down!

47. I have danced with the devil under the pale moonlight.

48. I’m only 5’1 (barely) but I LOVE freakishly tall men.

49. I have small hands…they are almost non-existent.

50. I am slowly falling in love…with myself…for the very first time.

That's me...In a nutshell. :)

(P.S. If you made it all the way to the end of this list, Thank you for being awesome! You are my hero. :D)

Ch...Ch…Ch… Ch…Changes

2009-09-09T21:37:00.008-04:00

"Ch...Ch...Ch...Ch....Changes! Turn and face the strain..."

Oh David Bowie, I adore you!

Yes…I’m alive and finally blogging again, LoL! I apologize for being MIA for the past week…I was sick and didn’t feel up to blogging and blah, blah, blah. I did not weigh in this week because I didn’t think I would get an accurate weight because of how sick I was last week. So, we will all have to wait and see if I reach a total of 50 pounds lost next week!

I just have to say...I AM WICKED EXCITED!!!

After endless amounts of coffee and hours of pretending to be an HTML Whiz, I present to you my new blog layout! I absolutely LOVE it! Ever since I was little, I have adored dandelions! I remember picking the beautiful white flower of puffiness (I know they are weeds…but to me, they are FLOWERS! LoL) and blowing on them, making wishes of love and hope. I always believed my wishes would come true, and I still do to this day. (Cue sappy music)

I’m still working on adding new gadgets to my blog, but for now, I am happy with how it turned out. Especially with my new TABS under my header! You can now easily access my Progress (which includes a list of my weekly weigh ins and progress pictures) and monthly Challenges. I have decided that along with my own personal challenges for the month, I want to invite you all to join a group challenge with me! Be sure to check it out and challenge yourself this month!

I have been somewhat in a funk lately but with the love and support of my wonderful Twitter Friends (especially the amazing TeeTee) I am slowly snapping out of it. I realized that I need to blog more, it keeps me focused and on track. Your “Daily Dose Of Kay” will be back in action ASAP!

“If nothing ever changed, there'd be no butterflies.”

I am ready to accept the changes in my life and become my own butterfly…Are you?

Almost forgot: I started the C25K training this week! Will be blogging about it tomorrow!! :D

Week Twelve Weigh In...

2009-08-31T21:10:00.005-04:00

Previous Weight: 254

Current Weight:

Getting closer and closer to reaching 50 pounds gone FOREVER!

I wanted to thank you all for your amazing comments you left on my "Sixty Days" post. Words cannot express how much your love, support and encouragement is appreciated. Each and every one of you keep me motivated and focused on continuing my path to a healthy lifestyle. From the bottom of my heart...Thank you so much.

Here's hoping for a fantastic week!

(I apologize for the short post. Completely exhausted tonight...Will update tomorrow with my new "challenges" for September)

Sixty Days...

2009-08-26T20:52:00.009-04:00

Sixty days ago, I weighed in at 284.8 pounds

Sixty days ago, I cried and cried over posting my picture

Sixty days ago, I would have given my left arm for a piece of cheesecake

Sixty days ago, I saw myself as a “Fat and Hopeless” mess

Sixty days ago, I couldn’t face myself in the mirror

Sixty days ago, I worried how much my ass was jiggling as I did my morning walk

Sixty days ago, I could barely squeezing into a size 24

Sixty days ago, I read a post from Tony (@theantijared) and was inspired

Tony sent out a challenge to everyone. The “Missouri 60” Challenge rules were simple. Take a picture of yourself and then sixty days later take another picture. The challengers were also to make goals for the challenge.

My goal for the “Missouri 60” had nothing to do with weight. I didn’t commit to losing 20 pounds or X amount of inches. My goal was to love myself, unconditionally.

Sixty days have come and gone and so has the woman I once was.

Now, I weigh in at 254 pounds

Now, I would give my left arm for a fresh juicy peach

Now, I see myself as Strong and Determined

Now, I look in the mirror and smile

Now, I walk with confidence during my morning walks

Now, I wear a loose size 20, a snug size 18

Now, I am committed to changing my life, forever.

I have lost quite a lot of baggage during my road trip to Missouri, and there is no looking back.

Thank you everyone for your love and support, I truly appreciate each and every one of you. And also, thank you Tony for helping me realize that actions speak louder than words. I no longer say I will do this or do that…I now go out and DO IT!

Sixty Days Ago:

Today:

Daily Dose Of Kay...(So long Negative Nellie!)

2009-08-24T22:04:00.003-04:00

Today's Totals

Steps: 15,340

Miles: 7.5

Crunches: 100

Swimming: 30 Minutes

Tennis: 45 Minutes

I’m not going to lie…I am exhausted after today, LoL.

I went for a long walk this morning to help clear my head. I have been blah the past couple of days and needed something to help snap me out of my funk. I have been letting my low self esteem get the best of me lately, but not to worry. This week is a new week and I am ready to embrace it!

My cousins and I went out tonight for a little shopping. I have been dying to get a new exercise ball to workout with, and WalMart had it on sale for only six bucks! I love a bargain, LoL. After that we went and hit balls at the Driving Range. Let me tell ya, the Driving Range is very therapeutic! After that, we went to the tennis courts and had another therapy session! I am feeling 100% better after my night out with my cousins. It was almost like with each ball I hit, I was smashing my negative thoughts away. (Corny, I know, LoL)

I didn’t have my date with Jillian today…but I will definitely be taking on the 30 Day Shred tomorrow! And I truly will do it tomorrow, I pinky swear!

I need to post my progress pictures for the “Missouri 60” challenge, but I am scared. I don’t see a difference in my pictures or when I look in the mirror. I still see the same girl I was when I started. I’m four pounds shy of losing 50 pounds…You would think I would see some kind of difference!

So, here is my question to all of you:

Do you see a difference in your appearance? And if so, how long did it take you to actually SEE it?

Hope you all have a fantastic week and remember to keep smiling!

Thank you all so much for the nice comments left on my Week 11 Weigh In! You all are AWESOME! :)

Week Eleven Weigh In

2009-08-24T12:29:00.003-04:00

Previous Weight: 257.8

Current Weight:

Down 3.8 pounds! I am only FOUR pounds away from losing 50 pounds!

I was looking back at my journal from my first week, and I had so much fire in me! This week, that fire is back! Which means...

I will finally get back to shredding! Jillian Michaels and I soon be starting our love/hate relationship once again. This time, I will actually finish the 30 Day Shred!

Short and sweet post for now, but will have more tonight for your "Daily Dose Of Kay"

And as always, thank you all for your support. I wouldn't be 46 pounds lighter if I didn't have an amazing group of Tweethearts and Bloggers encouraging me! :)

Daily Dose Of Kay (Debbie Downer Edition)

2009-08-22T22:22:00.004-04:00

Today's Totals

Steps: 14,574

Miles: 7

Crunches: 250

Swimming: 30 Minutes

After publishing and reading my original post for this, I realized I was being too "Debbie Downer-ish" and decided to take it down.

If anyone got a chance to read my post before I edited it, I apologize for the blahness.

Just having one of those days...

Another Daily Dose Of Kay...

2009-08-21T19:55:00.008-04:00

Today's Totals

Steps: 13,531

Miles: 6.5

Crunches: 200

Swimming: 60 Minutes

I…Am…Sore!

No worries, it is the good kind of sore! It is the kind that lets me know my body is feeling the burn. And it should be after a day of power walking, swimming, crunches and…

The Driving Range! My wonderful cousin KT and I went up to the local driving range and had a fantastic time and an excellent workout! I decided to add to the workout even more by doing a squat every time I needed to replace the ball on the tee. Holy hell…My thighs do not like me at the moment, LoL.

When I came home from the driving range, a package was sitting on the table for me.I received part of my giveaway prize from the wonderful Fab Fatties!

I quickly grabbed a bottle of water and tried my new Jackie Chan Green Tea. It is DELICIOUS! I adore Green Tea and will definitely be drinking Jackie Chan’s tea regularly. Thank you so much Shannon and Angie! You ladies are FAB-U-LESS! For those of you that haven’t checked out the Fab Fatties website, you are missing out.

Another highlight of my night: My once too tight capris are now WAY TOO BIG!

And that’s about it for your daily dose of Kay! Thanks to everyone for their comments on my “Fearless Friday” post, you all are wonderful. Dare to be fearless every day!

One more thing: The lovely TeeTee has lost 50 pounds since starting her weight loss journey. Congrats Beautiful Lady. So proud of you! :)

Fearless Friday

2009-08-21T08:31:00.004-04:00

Today, I dare you to be FEARLESS!

Take a risk and bring yourself out of your comfort zone.

Have an outfit you have been dying to wear but are worried about what others will think? WEAR IT! Been wanting to join a new exercise class at the gym but are scared you will look silly? JOIN IT!

No matter how little or how small it might be, let go of your fear.

Today, I will be fearless and wear a tank top while I go for my morning walk. I always wear the same too big and too heavy t-shirt because I worry what others will think of my arms. So rather than be cool and comfortable, I choose to be sweaty all because of fear.

Today I choose to be FEARLESS!

What fear will you face today?

Daily Dose Of Kay...

2009-08-20T21:08:00.008-04:00

Today's Totals:

Steps: 11,841

Miles: 6

Crunches: 350

Swimming: 90 Minutes

Four days in a row of staying on track. I am LOVING this week so far!

Even though it has been a billion degrees outside, I have managed (forced) myself into going for my morning walks. I come home a sweaty mess, but I feel great! This morning while I was on my walk, emotions came over me and I started crying. I was crying for a lot of reasons, but mainly because for the first time in a long time...I felt good about myself! I wasn’t worrying about how much my thighs was jiggling or if people were staring at me. I was caught up in the fact that I was still going strong after ten weeks of diet and exercise and was proud of myself.

I also managed to get my crunches in today! My abs hate me at the moment...have hated me since I challenged myself to 6,000 crunches. I was crazy setting that challenge! Not sure if I will reach it or not, but what matters most is that I am trying!

I spent the day organizing my house and planning out my workouts and meals for tomorrow. Yes, I am one of those people that HAVE to schedule everything. It keeps me on track and focused. I scheduled blogging time into my daily schedule so you all will be blessed with a daily dose of Kay! (I can feel your excitement!! LoL) I started this blog to help keep me on track and so one day I can look back and remember my journey from flab to fab and I am finally going to start using it some more.

So proud of the changes I have made lately!

I am slowly losing the girl I once was and am starting to come into my own...it excites me and absolutely terrifies me at the same time. So many “what ifs” have been clouding my head lately, but I refuse to let the “what ifs” and negative moments stop me. I just keep smiling and keep moving.

New Kicks...

2009-08-19T13:52:00.006-04:00

That's right...Kay has a new pair of kicks and is LOVING them! :D

The wonderful ladies over at Skinny Scoopers held a contest two weeks ago. The prize was a pair of Reebok Easy Tone Sneakers, and I WON THEM! (No applause necessary, LoL :D)

I was thrilled to win these shoes! If you haven't heard about Reebok's Easy Tone Shoes, I'll give a quick summary I found online:

"Reebok Women's EasyTone Go Outside Toning Shoes - take the gym with you! Reebok now has a shoe that actually tones and strengthens legs, and helps you burn more calories, as you move about your day-to-day activities. DMX technology features balance pods under the forefoot and heel that exchange air flow, creating the feeling of walking on sand, forcing leg muscles to work harder without discomfort. The EasyTone shoe is 3 times softer than traditional foam-based shoes, so you'll burn up to 3 times the energy. "

Let me tell ya...These shoes truly do add to your workout! I wear them all day, even just when walking around the house, and I truly feel a difference! The best part of all....Not only are they EXTREMELY comfy, but they add an extra inch or so to my height and as a stubby girl, I love looking taller without feeling the pain of wearing heels, LoL.

Thank you so much to the wonderful ladies over at Skinny Scoopers. Chris and Lisa- You are both AWESOME! And as promised, here are some pictures of my new kicks! :)

YaY! I love getting things in the mail :)

Did I mention how COMFY these are?

Once again, a big thanks to Chris and Lisa! If you haven't checked out the Skinny Scoopers website, please do! It is a great site filled with recipes, healthy tips, and awesome podcasts!

Week Ten Weigh In...

2009-08-17T08:52:00.005-04:00

Previous Weight: 258.2

Current Weight:

Down .4 pounds this week. No, no...That's not 4 pounds, that is POINT 4. I'm not going to lie, I completely slacked in the exercise department last week. This week is a brand new week and I am determined to get into my groove! If I want this, I have to work for it!

Keeping this post short today. I have a post I have been itching to write for the past week and am finally going to force myself to type it tonight, LoL.

Hope you all have a great week and as always...

Keep Smiling and Keep Moving!

"You Are Beautiful!"

2009-08-13T23:41:00.003-04:00

As I continue on my weight loss journey, I am slowly starting to grow into my own skin. Years without confidence are finally coming to an end and I no longer run away from mirrors. I’m not 100% happy with the person I see staring back at me, but I am starting to be quite fond of her. Looking back, I realize how much my weight has controlled my life. For years I have always felt I was being judged by a number on the scale and not for my personality. I remember getting embarrassed easily because of my weight. I hated going grocery shopping because I felt that everyone was staring at the fat girl pushing a cart filled with food. I HATED picking up takeout for me and my family because I was always worried they would think the whole order was for me and NOT for the five other people waiting at home. And shopping for clothes…Forget about it! Everyone was always standing around waiting to see what size “Tubby” would be buying, right? If only I realized then how wrong I was maybe my self-esteem wouldn’t be as damaged as it is today.

What made me start thinking about all this was my trip to the library the other day. I was feeling a little blah and felt like I needed a pick-me-up, so I went to one of my favorite places and indulged in the smell of old books and the sound of pages turning. As I stood in the dieting section looking for a good read, I noticed a woman and her teenage daughter pacing back and forth in front of the aisle I was standing in. I couldn’t help but overhear the teenager whispering to her mother about how embarrassing it is that she is going to check out diet books from the library. She told her mother, “You check them out, please. I don’t want the check out girl staring at the fat girl taking out diet books.” As she pleaded with her mother, my heart dropped. I knew all too well how this young girl felt. I was always worried about who was judging me and never fully enjoyed my teenage years because of that. Feeling a bit nosey, I quickly grabbed my books and went to head out of the aisle. Just before I reached the end, I remembered reading posts about OPERATION BEAUTIFUL. (If you haven’t checked out this site, please do. It is wonderful!) I rummaged through my purse and grabbed my pink heart shaped post-its. I jotted down the words “You Are Beautiful” and slapped it onto a weight loss book. I made my way out of the aisle, and the mother and her beautiful teenage daughter finally went down into the diet section. I smiled as I thought about the teenager finding the post-it and hoping she would stop and realize how beautiful she truly is. It is so easy to destroy our self esteem with negative thoughts.

I want you all to know that no matter what your size, shape, color, height or weight may be…YOU…ARE…BEAUTIFUL! Take a moment to remind yourself of that every single day. Your self esteem will thank you for it.

Keep Smiling, Keep Moving, and Keep Reminding Yourself How AMAZING You Are!

Week Nine Weigh In

2009-08-10T10:28:00.003-04:00

Previous Weight: 265

Current Weight:

258.2! After my two pound gain last week, I am down 6.8 pounds! Bringing my weight loss total for 9 weeks to….*Drum Roll, Please*

40.8 POUNDS!!

That’s a lot of poundage! I have three more weigh-ins for the month of August, and I would LOVE to reach a total of 50 pounds lost by then end of this month! Regardless of if I do or not, I’ll be happy with any loss.

Power Walking 5 miles a day is awesome! I feel more energized throughout the day. I’m happier and holy hell have I lost some inches! Between swimming, walking, tennis, and my daily random workout DVD, I am feeling GREAT! There is no turning back now, this little train is on a one way track to ONE-derland, and it’s never turning back!

After my Belly Dancing FLOP last week, I have decided to go for some Hip Hop workouts this week. Let me tell ya…Belly Dancing is HARD! For those of you that do it, Kudos! You are my hero!

Hope you all have a wonderful week and remember, keep moving and keep smiling!

Lady Luck!

2009-08-09T20:10:00.013-04:00

This week has been wonderful! I truly have felt like “Lady Luck” the past seven days!

The wonderful ladies over at Skinny Scoopers were holding a contest on Thursday night for a $100 pair of Reebok Easy Tone sneakers. When I read the tweet earlier in the day, I told myself that those shoes were mine, LoL. A couple of hours later, Skinny Scoopers posted on their Facebook page a hint as to what the trivia question was going to be for the giveaway. I studied up on their website and waited patiently til they posted the question at 7pm PST (10 PM where I am). The rules were simple: Be the first person to comment the correct answer and you win. The time came…They posted the question and I let out a huge scream because I knew the answer off the top of my head. As my shaking hands typed the answer, I hit comment and sure enough…I WAS THE FIRST COMMENT! Only problem…my hands were shaking so much that I spelt the word wrong, oops! Luckily, the ladies at Skinny Scoopers didn’t punish me for my spelling and I won the pair of Reebok Easy Tone sneakers. I am ESTATIC! I have been reading all about these sneakers and they seem awesome! I cannot wait to have them on my feet and pounding the pavement. Thanks you so much to the lovely ladies at Skinny Scoopers!

For those of you that have not checked out their website, please take a moment to do so. They have great food finds, awesome podcasts, and oh so much more! Check their website out HERE and be sure to follow them on TWITTER and FACEBOOK.

Ever since starting my weight loss journey, my wardrobe consists of workout clothes. My workout clothes are so comfy and by wearing them all the time, I feel motivated to keep moving. The only downside at the moment…My workout pants are literally FALLING OFF me! I have to hold them up while I am doing my half mile jog every night, LoL. My mom and I were talking the other night on Yahoo and she told me she had a present for me. Being impatient, I asked her what they were instead of waiting to see her next weekend. She sent me these pictures:

5 pairs of workout pants!!! Could I be any happier?!? First I win new walking shoes which I desperately need, but then my mother goes out and buys me 5 new pairs of workout pants, and in a smaller size! I tell ya, I am the luckiest girl in the world! And the best part of the workout pants…My mother got them for a steal! 5 pairs of pants for an amazing total of…15 DOLLARS! Wooooo! Ladies, check your local Walmart! They are having a great clearance on workout pants. (Thank you Mom, you are the BEST!)

Speaking of Walmart…

I went the other night with my Gram who was stocking up on cans of chicken soup. I wandered over to the Plus Size section to look at their nonexistent selection of clothes. As I was thumbing through the racks, I noticed a pair of shorts that were ugly but cute at the same time. I looked at the label, noticed that it was size 18 and quickly put it back. The last pair of pants I bought from Walmart were a size 24, there is no way in hell I would fit into an 18. Well, something inside me kept pushing me to try the shorts on. I finally gave in and headed to the dressing room. I pulled the shorts up and to my surprise; they went past my thighs with ease…then went past my hips. Could this really be happening?!? I zipped them up and buttoned…Sure enough, I was looking in the mirror and staring back at me was a girl wearing size 18 shorts!!! I will admit, they were a bit tight. But they zipped, buttoned, and I could bend down without feeling like they were going to rip. I changed back into my regular clothes, ran to the racks and grabbed anything and everything size 18 to make sure it wasn’t a fluke. After six pairs of shorts later, I can say: I WEAR A SIZE 18 FROM WALMART! I bought the first pair of shorts I tried on because I was so thrilled and excited that I could fit into a size 18! And to make it even better…They rang up for only 5 bucks! Seriously people…I should buy a lottery ticket because my luck has been amazing!

Here is a pic of me and my new size 18 shorts!

I have been blessed with amazing luck this week and I am so grateful for all the wonderful things that have happened! The thing I am most grateful for…Having the love and support from all of you. From the bottom of my big fluffy girl heart, I thank you all!

Tomorrow is Weigh In Day…Let’s hope my lucky streak continues!

"Defying Gravity"

2009-08-07T16:32:00.003-04:00

My cousin Katrina or as I like to call her KT, is absolutely AMAZING! Not only is she incredibly smart (#2 in her class of over 900) but she has such a positive attitude and outlook on life. She is who she is, and is proud of it! I must admit, I am envious of her. I wish I could greet the world as she does, but instead, I try my best to blend in and not be noticed.

The other night while playing tennis, KT and I were blaring Show tunes from musicals like RENT, Wicked, Avenue Q, Reefer Madness, and so on. As people passed by the tennis court, they looked at us oddly. I couldn’t help but feel embarrassed. I couldn’t help but worry what they might be thinking. Couldn’t help but think of them, whispering to each other comments like “Did you see that fat girl trying to play tennis” or something along those lines. As I stopped singing and put my head down, I prayed to God that I wouldn’t miss the ball while people were around. KT on the hand was completely carefree. She continued on singing. She continued chasing after the ball around the court. She didn’t care if she looked silly to others. She didn’t care what the married couple was thinking as they walked their dog. She was having fun and enjoying life…something I should have been doing as well.

When I asked KT later on if she was embarrassed by having people watch us play, she looked at me, smiled her big gorgeous smile and said “Of course not.”

Of course she wasn’t!

I have so much to learn from my wonderful cousin, and I slowly am. Each day she helps me realize the beautiful person that I am becoming…and the beautiful person that I am.

Thank you KT for teaching me to be carefree, for changing my outlook on life, and for showing me how to defy gravity.

“I'm through accepting limits
'cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try, I'll never know!
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost
Well, if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost!
I'd sooner buy
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I'm defying gravity
And you can't pull me down”

(Lyrics From The Musical: Wicked)

Week Eight Weigh In (And A Bit Of Déjà Vu)

2009-08-03T09:52:00.008-04:00

Previous Weight: 263

Current Weight:

It finally happened...I gained this week. After seven days of amazing exercise and eating healthy, I gained 2 freakin’ pounds! (Cue Tantrum and Smashing Of The Scale)

I’m not going to lie, I was horrified this morning. I stepped on and off the scale a GAZILLION times. I moved it around my entire kitchen, took out the batteries and put them back in, shook it, jumped up and down on it, held my breath while I weighed…and that little number never once changed. It was officially…I truly gained 2 pounds this week. Muscle? Maybe. Water? Who knows? All I know is next week those 2 pounds will not be on me or my scale!

I tweeted about my gain, of course and the amount of support I received was amazing. I am truly blessed to have such amazing Twitter friends. They helped me come to my senses and realize that the scale isn’t important. It’s how I feel that truly matters. And I feel great…But in the back of my head, those 2 pounds were still haunting me. Why? Why was I letting it get the best of my morning? And then a bit of Déjà vu hit me….

Rewind to seven years ago:

I was in high school and on Weight Watchers for the millionth time. I was just getting ready for my seventh week weigh in. I had lost an amazing 36 pounds in six weeks and was looking forward to adding another loss to my Weigh In Book. I took my shoes off, hopped on the scale and waited patiently for the nice lady to congratulate me on another great loss. But there was no loss. The nice lady looked up at me and informed me that I had gained 1.5 pounds. I got off the scale in tears, threw my shoes on and left. I didn’t stay for my weekly meeting or stay to hear encouraging words from my leader. Instead, I left and indulged in all those not so healthy foods I haven’t had in seven weeks. It didn’t matter what I eat, right? I mean after all, I just gained 1.5 pounds so what is another few pounds?

I never went back to Weight Watchers after that, and those 36 pounds I lost? Yup, I gained them all back and then some. I weighed in at 209 pounds that night at Weight Watchers…And here I am, seven years later and I weigh 265. Am I cursed to never lose more than 36 pounds?!?

The big difference this time (besides weighing much more, LoL) is that I will not let my gain stop me from continuing on my journey. I have lost 35 pounds in the past two months, and those pounds are NEVER coming back. I’m not the same person I once was seven years ago. I am not going to give up this time. I am stronger now and more determined than ever.

Enjoy yourself for now 2 pounds…Because your stay will be a short one!

I will break this curse!

Challenges For August:

2009-08-02T18:55:00.003-04:00

Helloooooooooooo August!

Here we are...already in to Day Two of August and I am late posting my goals yet again! LoL. Before I list my challenges for August, let's recap my list of Goals for July and see how I did.

***July Goals***

Walk 100 miles:

Done! 102.5 miles for the month of July!

Blog More:

Eh…This goal will definitely be making its way over to the August goal list!

30 Day Shred:

I hate admitting this…But Jillian defeated me this month. I will be taking on the Shred yet again for the month of August. Pray for me…I’m going to need it, LoL

Walk Once A Week Without Music:

Done! And guess what? No negative comments! I have actually found that many of my neighbors are quite supportive for me. The occasional “You go girl” as I walk by always makes me smile.

Food Journal:

Beginning of the month, I was doing great with writing everything in my food journal and then it slowly tapered off.

Jog A Mile…Okay, Maybe A Half A Mile:

Done! Done! Done! Did I mention it, Done?!? While I didn’t jog the full mile, I jogged half a mile, not once…not twice…but three times! I am very proud of achieving this goal. I didn’t think I was going to be able to jog half a mile without stopping but I did it and I will continue to do it!

Facing The Mirror:

Still working on listing my favorite qualities about myself, but I am getting better with my confidence. I noticed I am not running away from mirrors as much anymore, and believe it or not, I actually catch myself smiling at the person staring back at me.

Show A Little Leg:

I didn’t get my pretty Summer dress, so there is no leg to show. My attire lately has consisted of workout clothes, workout clothes and workout clothes, LoL.

For August, I have decided to make a list of “challenges” instead of goals. For some reason, hearing the word “challenge” lights a fire under me! So, here are my Challenges for August:

***Challenges For August***

Walk 125 Miles:

July was 100 miles so I figured I would kick it up a notch.

6,000 Crunches:

Am I crazy? Why, yes I am. But I figure if I break it down: That’s only 300 crunches a day, 5 days a week for 4 weeks. Okay…It’s still a hell of a lot of crunches, but I need a little boost in the abs department!

Dance With The Devil:

Okay, maybe she isn’t the devil…but when I pop in that 30 Day Shred DVD with Jillian Michaels, I feel like she is Satan and I am her little bitch, LoL. Jumping Jacks? Yes, Ma’am! Push Ups? Yes Ma’am! This month I WILL complete my 30 Day Shred!

Blog, Blog, Blog:

This month, I challenge myself to write AT LEAST 10 blog posts for this month!

Think Outside The Box:

Once a week, I am going to dedicate time to do a workout that is not in my normal routine. I have a bunch of workout DVDs and it’s about time I put them to some use! By the end of this month, I am going to be a Belly Dancing, Pilates Loving, Stripper Moving, Hip Hopper!

It is sooooo easy for me to make a list of “challenges”…The real challenge is WILL I DO IT? Keep checking back to see how I am doing for the month of August!

What are some of your goals/challenges for the month of August?

Week Seven Weigh In (Day Late...AGAIN!)

2009-07-28T20:07:00.005-04:00

Previous Weight: 265.4

Current Weight: 263.4

Down 2 pounds this week! I apologize for not having a scale picture for this post. My digital camera is broken at the moment, but will be borrowing one this weekend so pics will be back up next weigh in!

It's only Tuesday, but this week has been AWESOME! My exercising is right on track. In fact, my exercising has been better than ever! I have played at least an hour of tennis for the past two days, walked over 5 miles daily AND have been a little water bug since it has been so humid out! I feel AMAZING!

While I was walking today, it hit me....I am ACTUALLY doing this. I am actually losing the weight! I have started so many times and within days (sometimes hours) I call it quits. But not this time. It has been seven weeks since I first started my weight loss journey, and I am still at it. There is no turning back now!! I have said goodbye to the 300s, 290s, 280s, 270s, and hopefully next week will be saying goodbye to the 260s!

I reached an all time high with my steps today: 20,116 steps! My little legs are feeling the burn tonight and I'm loving it. No pain, no gain, right? :)

I was asked on Twitter if I make a weekly schedule for my workouts or if I go with the flow and do whatever. I am one of those peole that MUST have a schedule! Every Sunday night (in my mind, my week starts on a Monday, LoL), I sit down and write out my workouts for the week, what time I will do them at, how long, etc. I know, I know...I'm obsessive, LoL! Without my schedule, I would be lost!

Do any of you make weekly schedules? And if you do, how detailed are you when it comes to your schedule?

Week Six Weigh In (And Oh So Much More!)

2009-07-26T18:58:00.015-04:00

Hell's Bells...I am terrible at this whole blogging business! Been wicked busy the past two weeks, but...No EXCUSE!

Since I didn't post last Monday's Weigh In...Here I go!

Previous Weight: 267.6

Current Weight:

Down 2.2 pounds! Bringing my six week total to...34.6 pounds! Let me tell ya...A girl could get used to this whole losing weight thing. It is an amazing feeling seeing the number on the scale creep lower and lower. I know the number isn't the most important thing, it is just an added bonus!

I have had several "Non-Scale" victories the past six weeks!

*Pant Size used to be 24/26. Now my pants are 20/22s.

*I finally fit back into Victoria Secret Undies!

*I have walked 75 miles this month! 25 more miles til' I reach my goal of 100!

*I have stopped avoiding mirrors and am slowly starting to like the person I see.

*After six long years of not fitting into Old Navy Clothes...I fit into their Size 20 Jeans!

The last victory is the best! I absolutely love Old Navy Clothes and wore them all throughout High School...but then they stopped carrying Plus sizes in my local Old Navy, and I wasn't able to fit into their 20s. But now, I do! *Happy Dance!*

So many people have told me how amazing I look and how well I am doing. While I can't really see much difference in my appearance, I sure feel different! I have several "progress" pics I have been struggling with posting. I fear that I don't look any different than my "before" pictures and people will think I'm silly for posting "progress" pics...But here goes nothing!

Some of these pics do not have face shots because I wasn't happy with the face I was making or because I was extremely red from my sunburn. But...You can see my tattoo on my wrist, so that counts for something! LoL.

Here I am in my Old Navy Jeans...Size 20!!

I think the woman working the fitting room thought I was crazy. I was in the dressing room dancing and giggling because I haven't fit into their jeans in SIX YEARS! My mother loves this picture of me because you can see how short I really am. Note the six inches of material covering my feet! LoL. If only I could lose weight and gain height!

After trying on Old Navy Clothes, I decided to go over to Macy's and look at their adorable selection of Capris. I LOVE Capris from Macy's, but I could never find any in a size 24/26. Feeling a bit daring, I grabbed a pair of 20s off the rack and headed over to the fitting room.

THEY FIT!! Once again, *Happy Dance* and giggles throughout the fitting room! The shirt I tried on wasn't very flattering and neither was my face in this picture, LoL. My camera was having issues, and I was getting annoyed. All in all, I think it turned out to be a cute pic! LoL

I didn't buy the Capris...And I didn't buy the Old Navy Jeans. I refuse to buy clothes at this point. The only clothes I have purchased is a new workout outfit because my tank top and pants are falling off of me. The picture is a little blurry, so I apologize for my crappy camera skills.

And finally....My very first Before Picture, My "Missouri 60" Before Picture, and my 30 Days into "Missouri 60" picture:

So there you have it...I finally took a deep breath and posted some progress pictures. I wanted to post more progress pictures of my side-view and back-view but my dog knocked my camera off the chair and now my digital is broken...And it's very hard to take full body pictures of yourself on a cell, LoL.

Looking forward to the beginning of a new week! My exercising hasn't been up to par, so I have made a schedule for myself for the whole week. I always run better on a schedule! I am starting my "Walk Away The Pounds: 5 Miles" DVD tomorrow. Super excited! I have been doing the 4 Mile Super Challenge and finally decided to go for the 5 Miles. Gotta get those last 25 miles before the end of this month!

As always, thank you everyone for your love and support. You all are AMAZING and I wouldn't be where I am today without you. Thank you for the kind words, the boot in the butt when I need it and most importantly...Thank you for keeping me smiling!

Healthy Baked Crab Rangoon

2009-07-13T21:04:00.006-04:00

I don't know about you all, but I LOVE Chinese Food! Especially Crab Rangoons. After watching my family week after week indulge in Crab Rangoon on takeout night, I decided to make my own healthy version of Crab Rangoons! I Googled several recipes online and then mix and matched to my liking, LoL.

Baked "Crab Rangoon"

Ingredients:

6 0z Crab Meat, Flaked. (Imitation Crab Meat works as well.)

4 0z Fat Free Cream Cheese

¼ Cup Fat Free Mayonnaise (*NOTE* I did not put mayo in my Crab Rangoon. I’m really fussy when it comes to mayo, so I chose not to add it)

2 Green Onions

12 Small Egg Roll or Won Ton Wrappers

Directions:

Preheat oven to 350(F)

Mix Crab meat, FF Cream Cheese, FF Mayo, and thinly slice green onions together

Spray a 12 muffin cup pan with cooking spray

Line each muffin cup with Egg Roll or Won Ton Wrapper and extend edges of wrappers over side of cups (*NOTE* I tucked the wrapper edges behind the wrapper, almost like making it a bowl shape)

Bake empty wrappers for 5 to 7 minutes.

Remove from oven and add Crab Rangoon mix to each cup

Bake for another 5 to 7 minutes or until filling is warm

Serve and Enjoy!

These “Crab Rangoons” are very low in calories and fat grams! They are around 70 calories per “Crab Rangoon” and only .5 grams of fat!

While they do not taste ANYTHING like real Crab Rangoons, I found them to be nice. In my opinion, I liked them better when right when they came out of the oven (Giving them a little time to cool, of course). I put them some in the fridge for later and found that the taste wasn’t as good.

I had fun making them with my cousin today and realized the endless possibilities I could make with Egg Roll Wrappers! I’m sure I will be making something with them soon.

Week Five Weigh In

2009-07-13T08:15:00.004-04:00

Previous Weight: 273

Current Weight:

267.6?!?

I stepped on the scale at least a dozen times this morning just to make sure my eyes weren’t playing tricks on me. Could I have really lost 5.4 pounds this week?!? I ate properly all week but my exercising was not up to par for a few days or so. After weighing everything I could and making my sleepy cousin get on the scale and weigh herself, I did in fact lose 5.4 pounds! I’m chalking this week’s lost to water weight…Either that or Tennis is a miracle sport that melts weight off in a matter of an hour! (Note to self: Do not cancel Tennis date this week!)

I am one of those people that have to live on a schedule. If I don’t I completely get off track. Last night I scheduled out my exercising times for the week and am happy to report that I got my ass out of bed ON TIME this morning and went for my morning walk! The weather in New England has been awful the past few weeks so I have been doing a walking video in my living room. This morning I woke up to beautiful weather! Simply perfect walking weather. I got my walking shoes on and went out for a lovely 2.5 mile walk. It was great. I forgot how much I adore walking outside! Every morning needs to be started with a walk because it truly puts me in a great mood!

This week, I am starting my 30 Day Shred DVD over. I missed two days in a row and decided to make a fresh clean slate with Jillian. This time, I will give it my all and for the love of GOD, I WILL DO THOSE BICYCLE CRUNCHES FOR THE WHOLE MINUTE! I struggle with those damn things every single time! I have no coordination. Hell, I can barely do a side-step with a clap! LoL.

Here I am…32.4 pounds lighter. I have said good-bye to the 290s, 280s, and 270s. So why is it that my toes are the only thing I notice losing weight?! I mean, I feel different and my favorite pair of black Bermuda shorts are falling down to my knees every time I wear them. But why is it that I can’t see my weight loss? Everyone else seems to see it…when will I?

I guess I will just have to be patient and wait.

Thank you to everyone for their love and encouragement these past weeks. You all truly make this weight loss journey easier.

“The only way to discover the limits of the possible is to go beyond them to the impossible”

Arthur Clarke

Always dream the impossible!

Challenges

2009-07-12T11:24:00.015-04:00

There is no denying it, I am a challenge junkie!

Each month, I love to set little challenges for myself. What I call challenges, others call goals. Telling myself it’s a “challenge” gives me that extra push to reach my true potential.

Current Challenges For September:

200 Squat Challenge

200 Sit Up Challenge

Walk/Jog 150 Miles

Blog, Blog, Blog

C25K Training

And finally…

Conquering Jillian Michael’s 30 Day Challenge (I mean it this time! LoL)

Group Challenge For September:

Spicing Up Fitness Routine (Jump Rope, Soul Dancing, Hula Hoop, etc)

This month, I challenge you all to spice up your everyday workout routine! Add some weights to your daily walk or blair some music and bust a move with some hula hooping. Think outside the box and explore the many possibilites of exercise!

Are you up for the challenge? Let me know!

I Am Strong...Like My Password...

2009-07-12T11:24:00.003-04:00

At times, I feel weak. I try to convince myself that I can’t do it. That I can’t lose weight or can’t eat right. I tell myself that I have always failed at losing weight and this time isn’t any different. I am my own worst enemy. This past week, I started letting myself get the best of me. I started making excuses to not exercise and I stopped setting my alarm clock. When I woke up later than usual, I told myself it was too late to do my morning workout, I’ll just stick with my afternoon one…And then of course when afternoon came, I found another reason to not workout. What the hell was I doing to myself?!? I did workout a bit this week, but not like I usually do. Am I turning into the old Kayla again?

I had a meltdown last night. I found myself letting people get to me. I stopped feeling confident about my weight loss and starting doubting if I really can lose the weight. After crying so much to the point my eyes went dry and talking to friends on Twitter and my Mom, I realized something…

I AM STRONG!

I am stronger than what I believe I am. While I didn’t exercise as much as I would have liked, I still continued to eat well. I didn’t turn to food for comfort like I used to do and while there were times I wanted to stuff my face with birthday cake and all sorts of bad junk, I didn’t. It’s been over a month since I started my weight loss journey and to this day, I haven’t slipped up or cheated once. I made a commitment to myself to eat right and I have been because…

I AM STRONG!

To be honest, it is hard for me to accept the fact that I am doing this. That I am actually losing weight. I have failed so many times in the past that I am used to knocking myself down and eventually giving up. But this time is different…nothing is holding me back. I’m no longer with a man that didn’t support me losing weight because he likes me better fat. I am no longer friends with people that would laugh when I told them I was on a diet. And I am no longer losing weight the wrong way or for all the wrong reasons. I am losing weight for ME! I want to be in better health. I want to be able to look at myself in the mirror and love the person I see staring back at me…And I want to lose weight so I can finally stop hiding behind my fat and be myself.

My meltdown last night truly opened my eyes. To make a long story short, my ex and I decided to take a break over a month ago. He moved back down to his family in Pennsylvania and I chose to stay with my family in Massachusetts. It was hard to go our own separate ways and for the first few days, I did nothing but cry. As the days went by, I found myself getting stronger. Instead of lying in bed and crying all day, I put on my walking shoes and went for a walk. This is how my current weight loss journey began. I started reevaluating my relationship with my ex and realized that I was not happy for a good portion of our three years together. I always wanted to move forward with our lives, and he always wanted to stay still. At times, being with him was more like raising a child. I was engaged to a 30 year old kid. I felt like this all along but I didn’t have confidence to walk away.

Why couldn’t I just end our relationship and move on?

I realized last night that I couldn’t move on because I didn’t think I could get any better. I was scared to let go because in my mind…No one else would want me. As the space between my ex and I grows further apart and as I start to see his true colors shine through, I am slowly letting go and realizing that it is okay to be alone. I always tell people to NEVER stay in a relationship that they aren’t happy in and I am finally taking my own advice.

It’s time for me to say Goodbye to my past and Hello to my future.

One day, my prince will come. And I will fall in love for all the right reasons. I will no longer settle for being with someone because...

I AM STRONG…

Like my password! (Thanks Nicole for always pointing that out. :D)

Week Four Weigh In

2009-07-06T09:28:00.007-04:00

Previous Weight: 276.8

Current Weight:

No smiley socks this week (They are lost in the laundry somewhere, LoL). I'm down 3.8 pounds from last week, which I am very pleased with because I completely slacked in the exercise department this weekend. I didn't go for my walk on Saturday or on Sunday (Note to self: Not going for my walks makes for a grumpy Kayla) I kept telling myself I was too busy to go for a walk, when the truth was...I was just too LAZY! But this week is a brand new week so walking, here I come!

My 4th of July was nice. We had a small family cookout. I burnt my dinner on the grill, tried again, and burnt that as well. I was frustrated...The grill defeated me. So, I made shrimp and broccoli on the stove, LoL. I managed to make healthy choices all weekend, except for the half of a chicken wing I ate. It wasn’t worth eating. I felt guilty for eating it and was moody the rest of the night. That is when I realized…

I am changing.

I would have never cared before about eating a chicken wing. Hell, I wouldn’t of cared if I ate 10 of them! But I do now. I have become one of those people that read the nutrition facts on everything before I buy it. I check calories, fat grams, sodium, sugar grams, carbs…You name it and I check it. If it isn’t good for me, it goes back on the shelf. I have become a person I used to make fun of in the stores. I would always see them reading the boxes until they found the perfect one and I would laugh at them. Now, I stand right next to them, reading every little detail. While some might find it obsessive that I have to check every nutrition fact before I buy something, I find it to be my new way of shopping. For the first time in my life, I care about what I am eating. It has become a habit to me now, and it is one habit I am not going to break.

My birthday is this Wednesday and instead of cake, I will be having a yummy fruit bowl. Instead of ice cream, I’ll be eating a frozen Chocolate Graham Cracker with Fat Free Cool Whip ( I LOVE these!). I don’t mind going without a cake for my birthday, although I don’t think the others in my family are too thrilled about it, LoL. I turn 24 on Wednesday…and this WILL be the last birthday I celebrate fat. I still have a long way to go, but this time next year, I will be celebrating not only my birthday, but a new me!

Hope you all had a wonderful 4^th and have a great week! And as always, thank you everyone for your love and support. A month into my “diets” is when I usually give up, but not this time!

Btw, my weight loss ticker now says I have LESS than 100 pounds to lose! (98 to be exact) I no long have to lose OVER a hundred pounds. *HAPPY DANCE!*

Goooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaals!

2009-07-02T22:00:00.008-04:00

Here it is....My Goooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaal (I can't help myself, I love to shout GOAL like they do on the Spanish Channel during Soccer, LoL)

***The List***

Walk 100 miles:

Yikes! As part of the “Get Moving Challenge”, I have set a goal of 100 miles for the month of July. It might seem like a lot of miles, but with my new love for walking, I have no doubt in my mind that I will achieve it!

Blog More:

I know I have been blogging every week for my weekly weigh-ins, but I want to start blogging regularly during the week. My goal is to blog at least three times, including my weekly weigh-in. I have so many thoughts that run through my head daily but I stop myself from blogging. I always have had this fear of letting people read my writing. I guess I am afraid to be judged.

30 Day Shred:

I will continue with my 30 Day Shred DVD. Let me tell you, for being a fluffy woman who is out of shape, this DVD is hell. I cry, yell, grunt, swear and sweat my ass off…and the workout is only 20 minutes! No matter how much this DVD kicks my ass or how much my body hates me afterwards, I will continue on my quest to complete the 30 Day Shred!

Walk Once A Week Without Music:

When I walk, I blare my MP3 player as loud as I can. (Not safe, I know) Yes, the music helps me keep moving, but the main reason I blare my music so loud is because I am worried about negative comments. I always fear that someone is going to scream “Hey Fattie” or “Hey Shamu, the ocean’s that way” to me. Once a week I will go for a walk WITHOUT music. Negative comments, pffft! I’m not afraid!

Food Journal:

When I first started my weight loss journey, I was journaling every little thing that I ate. Lately, I have been slacking…which leads to snacking! The snacks have been healthy choices, but they need to be recorded!

Jog A Mile…Okay, Maybe A Half A Mile:

I admire those that jog. It has always been a goal of mine to be a jogger. This month, I am determined to jog…whether it is for a mile or a half a mile. I WILL JOG! (This goal will probably be more towards the end of the month, LoL)

Facing The Mirror:

I have issues with my self-esteem…Major issues is more like it. I have never been able to look in the mirror and be happy with the person staring back at me. In fact, I don’t see me as others see me. I see a completely different image. Back when I went to a therapist, she believed I was suffering from BDD (Body Dysmorphic Disorder). I never thought I was as severe as BDD, but nonetheless, my self-esteem is extremely low. This month, I will finally face the mirror and put out at least FIVE good qualities of mine. To be honest, I fear I will not be able to achieve this goal…But I am going to try my best.

Show A Little Leg:

I love Summer dresses! I always admire them in the stores and fall in love with their bright colors and weightless material. One day this month, I will step out of my normal everyday outfit (Carpis and A Dark Hoodie. Stylish, huh?) and will wear a beautiful Summer dress! (Gotta buy one first, good thing my B-day is coming up!)

There you have it folks...My Goooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaal list for July! Be sure to check back and see how I am progressing!

"The greatest danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it, but that it is too low and we reach it."

-Michelangelo

Week Three Weigh In

2009-06-29T07:42:00.005-04:00

Previous Weight: 284.8

Current Weight:

Down 8 pounds this week!

Seeing that number flash onto the scale brought tears to my eyes. So far, I have lost 23.2 pounds since starting my weight loss journey. It hasn't been easy...There has been a lot of tears in the process. But here I am, ready to welcome my fourth week and I am still going strong! I know that 23.2 pounds is a lot to lose in 3 weeks. Luckily for me, weight always melts off of me my first month and then slowly tapers down my second month. My second month is when I always quit...But not this time! I WILL do this!

I started the 30 Day Shred DVDs last week and let me tell you...Jillian Michaels is a beast! I don't think I would have lost as much weight as I did this week if it wasn't for her HELLISH workouts! I am so glad no one is around when I do her workout. Nothing like a sweaty fluffy woman crying and cursing at the television. (Yes, I cried...Don't judge, LoL)

I am going to continue with the 30 Day Shred DVD even if it kills me! I'm also going to continue walking everyday because I am in LOVE with walking! Even since I have started walking daily, I have been happier! I have also started swimming again even though the weather isn't the greatest for it. Once upon a time, I was on the swim team in high school. I can't swim like I did back then, but I still love it either way!

My birthday (July 8th) is coming up fast! My mini goal is to lose another 2 pounds before my birthday. Not only would this bring my total weight loss to 25 pounds but it would also mean that I have LESS than 100 pounds to lose for my goal! I cannot wait for my weight loss ticker to show me double digits!

Next week will be a month into my weight loss journey. I was going to post progress pictures but because I am doing the "Missouri 60", I am going to wait until the end of my 60 day challenge to post pictures. I will be posting my measurements though!

As always, thank you to all my Twitter buddies. Your love and support makes me feel like I am not alone on this journey. You all are wonderful and I am blessed to have such great Tweeters! And of course, thanks to my mom for always listening to me and supporting me!

Keep Smiling and Keep Moving!

About Me

2009-06-29T07:33:00.004-04:00

***Under Construction***

Follow me as I stop making excuses and start seeing results! I have a long road to travel, but with good music and amazing friends, I will continue down the right path of becoming a healthy me!

Contact:
ChubbyStubbyKay@gmail.com

Progress...

2009-06-29T07:30:00.010-04:00

Weigh Ins:

Week 0: 300

Week 1: 289.4

Week 2: 284.8

Week 3: 276.8

Week 4: 273.0

Week 5: 267.6

Week 6: 265.4

Week 7:263.4

Week 8: 265.0

Week 9: 258.2

Week 10: 257.8

Week 11: 254.0

Week 12: 251.2

Week 13: No Weigh In (Sick)

Week 14: 246.4

Week 15: Skipped

Week 16: 252.4

Progress Pictures:

Road Trip, Woooo!

2009-06-23T13:48:00.008-04:00

After days of debating whether or not to join the "Missouri 60" challenge, I have decided to sign up! For those of you that do not know what the "Missouri 60" is, visit Tony's (aka "The Anti-Jared) blog. He is the master mind behind it all. (Details here)

The thought of posting my "Before" pictures without there being an amazing "After" picture has me completely stressed out. But with the help of my Twitter buddies, (Thanks TeeTee) I am taking a deep breath and posting them.

In 60 days, I will no longer look like the pictures I am about to post. I will be a happier and healthier me! The only prize I am looking forward to is seeing my results in 60 days.

Well....Here goes nothing....

*DEEP BREATH*

If you are daring...Click the picture to see it enlarged.

Week Two Weigh In...(Day Late, Oops!)

2009-06-23T13:10:00.008-04:00

Wow...I didn't realize I would be this terrible at keeping a blog! My goal was to blog every day or at least every other day and here it is...a week later! Note to self: Blog more! (Think of it as exercise for my fingers!)

Last week was a bit stressful for me. My grandfather was rushed to the hospital on Tuesday. (No worries, all is well now!) I was a bit on edge last week with worrying about his health. Normally, I would eat my stress away and binge on anything and everything I could get my hands on! But this time...I DIDN'T GIVE IN! I am on my third week of my weight loss journey and I have not cheated once...Not even a lick or nibble! I won't allow myself to cheat. I basically consider my weight loss journey to be like rehab for me. You wouldn't give a crackhead just a little bit of crack when they are trying to recover, right? No cheating for the fluffy girl...no matter how small.

Sticking to my exercise and eating healthy is paying off. I weighed myself yesterday and lost another 4.6 pounds!! That brings my total weight loss so far to 15.2 pounds! I must say, I am proud of myself. It hasn't been easy for me to quit my food addiction cold turkey. But it is definitely paying off! 15.2 pounds....All I can say is Wow!

Current Weight is now....

As always, thank you to everyone on Twitter for being my support buddies. You all are GREAT! :)

Week One Weigh In...

2009-06-15T08:54:00.003-04:00

Starting Weight: 300

Current Weight:

*Drum Roll*

289.4!!!

I am down 10.6 pounds since last week! What a great way to start my weight loss journey! I know every week will not be this high or anywhere close to it, but this has given me the motivation to keep moving forward.

So Long Fluff! You won't be missed! :D

So Long Fluff, Hello Hotstuff...

2009-06-14T20:11:00.005-04:00

LETTER OF EVICTION

DATE: June 14, 2009

To: FAT

You are hereby notified to vacate the premises immediately. Your lease was terminated when you took control of my life and made me lose all sense of who I am. If you fail to vacate the premises, IMMEDIATE action will be taken.

Kayla

-------------------------------------------------------

(For those of you that have been following my blog, as you can see my post have been deleted. I accidently deleted my blog, so here goes a fresh start…again! LoL)

I am simply a big girl with big dreams…

My dream is to lose 125 pounds and become a healthier and happier me!

On June 8^th 2009, I decided to take my life back! For the past week, I have been on the right path of exercising and eating right and I feel wonderful. I know it has only been a week but I feel different. I feel like I am becoming in control of my life again. I have stopped letting the FAT take over and started living. I find myself smiling more often and staying active all day. I even find myself having energy! So much energy that I go out walking. I wake up each morning, throw on my walking shoes and pedometer, and I walk. I absolutely adore walking! I walk two to three times a day simply because I love it. Walking is an amazing feeling. Each step I take brings me closer to being a thinner version of myself.

The Diet

I am not following any specific diets or any weight loss programs like WW or Jenny Craig. My diet consists of counting my calories, keeping a food journal, and exercising.

I have never been a healthy eater before. Instead of eating breakfast and lunch every day, I would snack all day long on what I then thought was yummy goodness…like chips. I have a HUGE weakness for chips of all kinds. I would then eat a huge dinner consisting of any type of takeout, mostly the dollar menu from McDonald’s. I always thought to myself, “I don’t understand why I am so fat, I don’t eat all day!”…But in reality, I was eating ALL day long!

I now eat three meals a day and two small snacks, plus I drink only water…and then drink water again, and again, again…Well, you get the point, LoL.
NEVER would I have thought I would be satisfied with eating healthy, but I AM! I absolutely adore vegetables and fruits of all kinds. I love whole wheat pitas, and Special K Blueberry cereal. I love making my little 100 calorie snack bags and planning out my meals. Believe it or not…I enjoy my healthy food more than I did my fattening foods AND I feel fuller from eating healthy. I have started taking my time while I eat instead of shoving food down my throat at a rapid pace. Little by little, I am changing my lifestyle and becoming a better me.

The Dream

I have sooooo many dreams I wish to come true! The biggest dream right now I am making a reality. I want to lose 125 pounds before my 25^th birthday (July 8^th 2010). I have a long road to walk to my goal…Thank goodness I have comfy walking shoes!

Tomorrow is my first weekly weigh-in. No matter what the scale says, I am happy with my efforts this past week! I have started my weight loss journey off strong, and I will only get stronger and stronger!

Beginning Weight: